MA: Doubts

“Then do it!” Shouted Dorothy. Vogen curiously waked towards the voice and found her talking with Samusagi, who seemed to be annoyed.

“What’s going on, Dory?” He asked, while Dorothy turned to him.

“Onii-san! She says she’s able to prank the entire class without the teacher noticing it!”

“Um..okay?”

“She doesn’t want to prove it!”

“I don’t need you prove myself to anyone, you asked a question and I answered it. Simple”

“I still don’t believe you!”

“Guess what?” Said Samusagi while she shrug. “I don’t care”

“Let’s make a bet then” He sighed.

“She doesn’t have anything I’m interesting in”

“Why you-“ Vogen stopped his hand in front of Dory, before she could start a fight.

“Then make one with me.” He smiled “The one who loses gets to…serve the winner for one entire day.”

Bad idea. The worst he could think of! He just got rejected by that girl, things got pretty awkward and now he’s doomed. He’s already at lost. But since it already slipped through his mouth he can’t go back.

“Hmm…and a pack of pocky”

“Deal”

“Great!” She smiled. “Before the second ring of the school bell, I’ll complete the bet”

With that she turned around and entered the class, while Vogen sighed, while Dorothy only crossed her hands. Though a bit happy, since she hopes to see the banshee loose.

As the first school bell rang, the students head to their class rooms and took their seat. The first lesson was the potions class with Miss Ivy Falkner. She’s not as strict as most teachers in the academy, yet that doesn’t mean she’s allowing them to ‘have free time’ during her class.

Soon after about twenty minutes, Vogen heard whispers in the class. Very odd whispers since they are talking about an elephant? He looked aside at Blake, who also seemed to be confused with the topic students choose. He soon got a note, then look around, before he looked above and smiled.

“Here, read and pass” He said, while passing over a small note.

Vogen took the note, simply out of curiosity. Then read it, what confused him more.

Which idiot drew an elephant on the ceiling?

Elephant? That’s what it’s about? He looked around, then when the teacher wasn’t facing the class he looked above curious. Of course. There was no elephant drawn on the ceiling. It was a prank. He just lost the bet, not like he actually expected to win it in the first place. Though he must admit, it was funny to see how each of the students cared to take a look above. Everyone was curious, not to mention that after discovering it, they’d want to prank someone else or a friend, thus the note gets passed by, each time Miss Falkner turns to the black board.

He passed the note to the front to Kanako saying the same thing Blake said to him, before he returned to the lessons.

In the afternoon, when all classes were done most students had already left class, Samusagi was no wear to be spotted, what actually was a relief to him. Who knows what she might come up with!?

“So that prank was her idea?” Asked Ren, while they were leaving the classroom.

“Not really idea, I guess. It was a bet, to prank the class without the teacher noticing.” He sighed “I can’t believe I actually got myself into it”

“Yeah. Anyways, I’m heading to the dojo. Are you coming?”

“Sorry, mate. I have training with Damien in a few minutes”

“Training?” He questioned “I thought you’d be under control of it by now”

“It’s not as simple as it seems, plus the closer to the full moon the worst it gets” He sighed, while the stopped in the hallways “I want to get this done before work, I still have work with Necrovarg, before she can finally sail into open sea”

“I see. Goos luck then”

“Cya, mate!”

Vogen smiled, then left the academy and ran towards the arena grounds, he was already a bit of late and making a stuff member wait for him isn’t a good idea. When he arrived it was as he thought, Damien was already there, waiting for him.

“Took you long” He said.

“Sorry, professor. There were things I thought I could take care of before the training.

“Anyways. Let’s begin.”

As time passed by it was already Vogen's fourth transformation today. Once again he was in a circle created from Mountain Ash, so there was no way he was able to escape. Damien was creating energy balls, then throwing at him in order to increase his anger, so that he'd learn to control it. The same routine, the same result.

After a few minutes he returned back to his consciousness. Seeing Damien sitting and reading a book, only proved that he lost control. Again. One out of three, though the one time he managed to only shortly control the beast. Being an alpha makes things hard, but he didn’t expect it to but this hard.

“Are we trying again, professor?” He asked, while Damien closed the book and walked closer.

“That’s enough for today” He wiped a part of the Mountain Ash circle, which broke the barrier “You’re exhausted”

“Y-Yeah” He sighed, while getting up from the ground.

“I heard disappointment in your voice”

“Hard not to be, when it’s already ready been less than three months and I still don’t even seem to have a glimpse of control over it”

“I spoke to the Ijishi brothers about it, what if it’s not related to the focusing?”

“What do you mean?” He asked confused.

“Miss Yoshimura said, that for each werewolf there’s a different, individual way of getting control. I’m think the same as you, that after so many time and training, it’s still not showing results. Maybe don’t focus on trying to control it, but instead focus your mind on something else. Instead of trying to gain control maybe you should try something else? That’s your task.”

“Not saying it’s an easy one” He sighed, then smiled “I’ll try my best though, thanks professor.”

After the training was over he returned to the academy, but instead of walking to the library to study more, he decided to visit the infirmary to ask something the school nurse. At first he didn’t consider it the idea good, since Morgana isn’t a type who likes visitors, but then again. He doesn’t want to bother Miss Yoshimura too often with the questions.

As soon as he knocked on the doors and opened, they immediately closed in front of him. He heard the nurse yelling at someone, before letting him walk in. When he finally entered the room, he was a small dagger stuck on the other side of the doors.

“I thought you don’t use daggers” He said, while walking towards Morgana, who was preparing a syringe on her desk.

“It’s not mine, it’s Samusagi’s” She sighed, then turned to him “Actually it’s good that you’re here, I’ll use your ability”

“Okay, you’re welcome I guess” He said, while he followed her. When she moved the curtains, the banshee was struggling with the handcuffs, while Morgana walked to her. “What? Why handcuffs?”

“Because she’s insane!” Yelled the girls, he could clearly see that she’s nervous and hear her heartbeat racing extremely fast.

“Oh, just calm down already. It’s only a needle” Sighed Morgana “Hold her arm”

“No! Get lost! I told you I’m fine without it!”

“Can’t you do it a bit more…you know nicer?” He sighed.

“I can if I want, but I don’t want to. Plus I want to get this done fast to return to other work I have”

“Okay, but I have a more easier idea” He said, then walked to Samu and untied her ribbon to tie it around her eyes.

“Deep breaths, girl” He said.

“I don’t think it’s a better idea- Ouch!” She said as soon as she unexpectedly felt the needle piercing through her skin.

“All done” Said, Morgana.

“Since when are you afraid of syringes?” He asked confused, since she was never a type to fear such thing.

“Tch! Of course, when you’re stabbed with needles for a year, it’s only normal you don’t want that feeling to return!” She yelled still frustrated “Anyways, let’s go. You still owe me something!”

“Yeah, I know” He sighed.

They walked together to get dorm, while she grabbed a bag and changed to casual clothes. The violet-black cat hoodie she often likes to wear for special occasions, , then told him to get the camera. It was odd but he didn’t question it, mostly because his thought were still wondering about the werewolf thing. Rushing things is not always good, but he’d like to finally have control over it, not to mention not being dangerous to others each time he loses it.

She grabbed his hand, then teleported into a winter forest, what didn’t make him smile. He wasn’t into cold climates, but warm ones.

“You could at least warn me to take a coat”

“It’ll be only for a minute” she said, while taking off her shoes and stockings “I just need a few photos, also you seem troubled. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just need to figure something else than trying to ‘force’ control over the werewolf.”

“I see.” She smiled and walked towards him “Then why don’t you think about me?”

“It’s not a joke Sa-“

“Naked” She said. The long silence seemed to last forever, as he wasn’t sure what to say nor even how to react. Suddenly she giggled and turned around “Joking. I wasn’t even trying”

“Tch! Could you cut it out!?” He yelled trying to hide his face and return to his senses. “Last time I was forced to die my hair again because of your stupid prank”

“Well you had it coming, learn how to dodge them if you’re really planning on become a rogue.”

“Yeah, each time I ‘do something” I can expect a prank coming towards my person”

“You’re really acting strange, Vo-kun. Might I might know how to change that” She giggled as she walked away and started unzipping the cat-blouse “Oh and by the way, I didn’t put on my bra, so don’t even try to move from that spot”

“T-Thanks f-for the warning” He said nervously, while a small blush appeared on his face.

“Take it when you’re ready” She looked back with a smile, while she slowly exposed her back. “Just don’t let it take forever, I’m not a statue.”

“R-Right, sorry.” He said, while turning on the camera “Walk a bit further.”

She listened and took a few step further, until he told her it’s enough. He took a few shots, but they weren’t as good as he wanted them. Then a cold wind came by and started playing with her long golden hair.

“Done” He smiled, then checked the photo once again, while she put on back her blouse. When she walked towards him, he showed her the photo.

“It would look better without the scars” She sighed “Erase the rest, the last one is fine.”

She grabbed his shoulder then once again teleported them, this time to the beach. He looked around rather surprised, it was not like her to even think about visiting one. More it was a sunny and warm day, what confused him even more.

“I thought you hate beaches?”

“I do. But it’s for the photo and even though I can stand a extreme cold, a swimsuit won’t look good there. Plus you have a picture of me in the summer, so I though it’ll…be nice?”

“Again!? Stop searching through my stuff!”

“I was in need of a notebook and you weren’t there” She smiled “Now turn around. I’m not letting you have an even better day.”

“You didn’t need to add the extra sentence there” He sighed and turned around, in the meantime he got rid of the photos she didn’t want, though left some, since they turned out lovely. He actually wanted to see her in a swimsuit, who wouldn’t? But he’d never expect it to come true, she’s the last to things like that, telling her she’s cute already makes her annoyed, since she always takes it as an offence, instead of a complement. She’s changed so much.

“Okay done”

When he turned around to see her standing there, in a crimson bikini and a gothic beach skirt tied to her hip. She also had black high heel sandals, matching to her style. He wasn’t aware that a small blush crossed his face, what made her giggle.

“From you’re reaction I’m assume it suits me” She smiled “Lovely right? I actually got it from Miss Greer”

“You can’t be real!” He said in disbelief.

“No seriously. She once showed me it in a magazine she was holding and said that it would suit me perfectly, so I order for on at Sapphire Rose” She smiled, while she spined around for a bit “She has a good eye when it comes to such things, she even helped me with the weapon design drawing once. If she was slightly nicer to me during ‘medical research’ on me, maybe I would care to buy one of her artworks for my workplace.”

“The old one?”

“Nope, I bought a new one recently and only I know in where it’s hidden. I don’t want others bothering me like in the academy, there I can have time for myself and my thoughts. Also I burned the old one”

“What!?”

“Yeah, everything turn into ashes. Just like the old me…it held to much memories from the past”

“Sam, you know it’s not true”

“Are you taking the photos or not!”

He sighed and without pushing her to continue the topic he focused on taking the pictures. After a few shots, again something was missing. So he walked to her and told her to turn around, before he tied her hair into twintails.

“Now it should look better” He smiled.

“Twintails? I haven’t tied my hair in them since twelve.”

“They suit you” He smiled. “Grab your skirt and stand sideways, then turn to me. I want your hair to be a bit thrown”

She looked at him rather confused, but quickly then got what he meant and took the pose. As soon as she turned, he took three shots and checked the photos. Only one came out perfectly, the rest was good too but he like the last one the most. Something wasn’t right, though, but he didn’t know what, so he simply ignored it.

“Not bad” She said after looking at the photo. “Okay one last idea and you’re free to go”

“What’s the idea?”

“You’ll see” She giggled and grabbed his shoulder and teleported to a meadow. A meadow full of different coloured roses. “Pick as much red roses as you can and gather them in one spot.”

He wasn’t sure what she had in mind, but did as she told. After a few minutes they gathered all the roses in one spot, she managed to get a few black ones and she laid all the petals in one spot.

“What are you planning?” He asked curious.

“I was inspired by one of Miss Greer’s painting, which I happened to take a look at. Actually it’s title gave me an idea” She untied one of her twintails and tied the ribbon over his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“If you take a peek on this one, before I prepare. I swear you’ll regret that you’re not dead” She warned and he didn’t want to put that theory to a test, so he patiently waited. She sure took her time, since after a long while she told him to take the picture.

When he saw her his heart immediately started racing like insane. She was laying on the roses in her banshee form, with her while her covering most of her naked body and a piece of red clothing wrapped around her waist.

 “T-This is a bit too much” He said, while feeling that his face was turning red.

“Just hurry up and it’ll be over” She sighed.

“I can’t”

“Why?”

“B-Because it’s you” He said, while looking down and closing his eyes, embarrassed. She leaned forward to him to check if he’s alright.

“I really need you to take this photo.” She stared “Remember our deal?”

“F-Fine, but you must close your eyes. Otherwise it’ll be too troublesome for me”

“Can be”

She did as he asked her and once again laid down again, while he took a deep breath and pulled himself together. It was harder then he thought, but he took a few steps closer and after a while of struggling he took one perfect shoot, before turning around and allowing her to change back to her clothes.

He checked the photo to make sure it looks perfect, so that he wouldn’t have to repeat it again. Gladly it was, but again something bothered him, yet this time he used his werewolf eyes and saw it. Something was on her chest, he zoomed in to take a closer look.

An omega symbol?  He thought What’s an omega symbol doing there? Or maybe it’s something more?

“Could you stop staring at my ‘attitudes’?” She suddenly surprised him, when he realized how close she was.

“W-What, n-no I wasn’t-“

“Fine, they are meant for you anyway”

“What!? I thought you needed them for something”

“I do. So if someone dare’s to see them, you’re not going to get away from my pranks. They’ll be haunting you. Two days ago you said you love me, but that was a lie”

“What!? No it wasn’t I-“

She suddenly grabbed him arm and teleported them back to the academy hallways, before she continued.

“It was” She crossed her arms “You love Samusagi, the girl you met when you were a child.” She sighed, which was filled with a bit of sadness and disappointment “I’m not her and I will never be her, thus we can’t be together. I’ll date you, but only when you’ll like me for what I’ve become and what I am, Golden Raven. The me who is now…Who’s still alive, not the girl who died many years ago. I’m sorry, I tried and failed, like mostly at everything. The only thing I’m good at is assassination, guess it suits the role of a weapon, huh?”

“You know it’s not true!”

“Sorry, but I want to be alone right now. Cya”

With that she started teleporting, until she vanished in front of his eyes, leaving him once again. History seems to like to repeat old events, each time he manages to get closer, he loses her, just like that. Vanishing in front of his eyes.

It was better to keep things quiet and stay friends, I screw it up. Maybe it’s best for both of us to stay apart?  Maybe I should learn how to let go?

“Are you sure he loves you? The you, you are now? I think he loves the old Samusagi, the one who died years ago. Not the Samusagi you are now” Asked her a dark shadow. The same who saved her during her mission. “You don’t belong here, Sami. You know that”

“They seem kind” She said “Some even trustworthy”

“Stop lying to yourself, they only pity you. They are kind, because they remember you. The old you, who was their friend. You think they’d still be ‘nice’, when they discover what you really are? A weapon! You love battlefields, you’re obsessed with fights. The feeling of hunting a prey or being hunted, what did they call you again? Those people?”

“S-Satsu” She looked down.

“Do you know what it means?” She shook her head, making the shadow grab her chin and raise her head to face her eyes “Murderer. While Jistasu, suicide. This is what you are, a murderer. You kill everything that's around you, joy, hope, life. You’re capable of killing the people you love, you did it once, but you don’t remember….Yet still, guilt and hatred is eaten you from the inside, but it’s not Kazuhiku you hate, there’s even greater hate in your heart. Towards yourself, your failures, your mistakes, your defeats. You blame yourself and you're right. You killed them, Satsu! You! People under your leadership, first mission for your clan outside of the world and you failed! You let four people die there, four friends, who had trust in you. How will people react, when they see you for whom you truly are?”

“Then why am I still alive?” She cried.

“Because you’re a weapon, they need you, they want you, they bought you. You’re alone, poor soul. You still cry only in four walls, you still suffer alone. No one can understand you, no one. And I know why. Because they aren’t you, because they wouldn’t survive in your skin…You are left alone, Samusagi. You always were…That has never change and never will...You can't trust anyone, only yourself. Open your heart and it'll be crushed again, keep it shattered and no harm will met you again...You're alone, you always will be alone”